Body Image Post Baby | Part One
Yes I am a regular woman, and I care about how I look and have body image issues just like the next woman, whether they are rational or not, this is my story.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine walked up to me and congratulated me on my ‘baby bump’. At first I was confused as my almost 8 month old was sitting in the pram below then I was surprised, then I was hurt.
This is me a couple of weeks ago.
This is the second time someone incorrectly asked if I was pregnant since giving birth in March (the first was asked 6-8 weeks following his birth – um hello do the math, and give a girl a chance to get her body back, let alone get pregnant and be showing all within 8 weeks of giving birth) but it was this time that it really hit me.
8 months pregnant
Happy Birthday baby!
Admittedly, on the day in question I was wearing an unforgiving horizontal striped maxi daggy dress, direct from the pool with Baby M, which I rarely wear in such a public area. However this day, I had locked myself out of the house, and we had to make the trip up to the compound key house which is also housed in a main business office area, where some of my friends work. No make up, wet hair, unforgiving ugly pool dress, and MY POSTURE – yep I was feeling stylin’.
I’ve never had the best posture, even in my best shape ever (ironically just after I finished raw culinary school and prior to falling pregnant) I still maintained a small pot belly.
Just before falling pregnant – obviously, Vodka cranberry anyone?
My mild scoliosis does me no favours and when I am tired or worn out (as I was this day in question from having waited so long for assistance and just wanting to get my tired hungry baby home) I was hunching over the pram and my tummy was relaxed. Imagine that with the ugly striped dress over my belly, and my well meaning friend wanted to wish me the best for my new baby on it’s way.
Yep, I felt pretty lousy, after my 1 1/2 hour a day efforts at the gym, mindful diet and 3 times a week 6km walks around the compound golf course. Was all this in vain?
I’ve been monitoring my diet, since the scales haven’t been budging, but incidentally my clothes and rings have been feeling looser, so I’ve reminded myself that the weights I’ve been lifting 4 times a week have created denser muscle before the fat is lost.
Also, I touched on it on the blog in the beginning, but when Baby M was born, I had great difficulty with breastfeeding. I worked one on one with a volunteer La Leche league consultant (my angel!) weekly for hours at a time, where she would monitor a feeding cycle from waking in the morning to Baby M’s first nap, which at the time never lasted more than 20 minutes. We didn’t know this at the time, but Baby M was starving. No wonder he never slept day or night, was always crying and constantly attached to my breast.
I struggled to have daily showers for longer than 2 minutes, brushing my teeth and hair for the first 2 months was a luxury, and some days I never left the bedroom, so cooking and meal preparation was not going to happen. Hubs was studying every night he came home, so we both relied on dining hall (cafeteria style meals), home delivery and packet food. Not my choice but a starving breastfeeding exhausted mama with no family around had no choice and was missing my raw food and smoothies. A venture to the grocery store was not going to happen, and online shopping here? You’ve got to be kidding! I clearly remember being so shaky one day from hunger, with no other options in the house (because grocery shopping was the last thing I could do) I scoffed down 3 rice bubble bars , whilst trying to latch a screaming baby onto my breast.
After 4 weeks of exhausting assessments and a dangerously underweight baby, my breastfeeding consultant and I agreed to try the second last resort prior to placing Baby M on formula (my worst nightmare – but of course that is my opinion and plenty of people formula feed their children world over, I am speaking for myself here) and that was to try a drug called Domperidone (more on that in Part Two) which would stimulate more milk supply for me. Please note I had also tried so many other remedies like eating oats, fenugreek supplements, I had even ordered golacta online but the Saudi customs wouldn’t release it and destroyed it, citing it as illegal medication 
The drugs coupled with plenty of pumping, produced more milk for my bebe, but not enough to sustain him, so the day arrived where we had to supplement with formula.
To ensure we protected the breastfeeding component of Baby M’s feeding (once babies start drinking with bottles it is only a matter of time before they reject the breast), rather than feed him with a bottle, we used a nursing supplementer, which is where a small tube is taped to your breast, and the baby feeds on your breast whilst he is also supplied with formula through the tube at the same time. This also allows your breast to be stimulated for more milk supply at the same time. And it looked really sexy! :S
I still remember clearly the time we fed Baby M his first bit of formula at 12 weeks old I apologised to him for feeding him poison but quickly took it back and sent him plenty of love. I was a tired and weary mama. He gulped it down immediately. The poor baby was starving and I was finally giving him food.
At first I was happy to be still able to breastfeed and provide my beautiful boy with the additional food he was needing but after a couple of weeks of being tied to the house for each feeding – usually every 2-3 hours, I became depleted. So I began bottle feeding.
Eventually the bottle feeds increased and the breastfeeding reduced to only night feeds where Baby M was still co sleeping with us).
Then one day at around 5 months, Baby M wouldn’t take my boob any more. So breastfeeding ended.
So did my Dolly Parton boobies and my headaches and dry mouth from taking the drugs. Was glad to be off them finally, apart from saying goodbye to the boobies 
To be continued….
For all my friends who are pregnant right now, you MUST read this - Embrace Your Puffy Face
And for all my new mummy friends, you might enjoy this read - What a Human Body Looks Like After a Baby
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What a great and brave post Robyn. For what it’s worth I hardly think you have a “pot belly” (especially not in that belly dancer picture – are you kidding?!) Your battles with breastfeeding sound so strenuous – I’m seriously in awe! Can’t wait to read more
Thank you Nada, I was a little worried about putting myself out there with this post, but I am loving everyone’s input, especially those who are mothers or mothers to be, I feel like this is a great place for us to talk it all out. Thank you for getting involved xxx PS I went to Bahrain for the day yesterday and thought of you
Robyn, what an amazing heart felt and raw post. I so appreciate you and your candid sharing here. You are totally beautiful, inside and outside and I hope I look anywhere as stunning as you post pregnancy.
I firmly believe that people need to stop commenting on others bodies! I know your friend was well intentioned but it’s potential for such situations as what happened to you is just not helpful!
Thanks again and love to you xoxo
Oh thank you gorgeous girl. You are a beautiful friend and thank you for coming here to talk about this, especially re the comments on other people’s bodies.
Hi Robyn,
I had similar experience with breastfeeding, although I stoped when my doughter was 3 months. She lost lot of weight plus she had reflux too. Although I never been slim yet I am working on this part, I do understand how you feel.
Before I had my doughter, I said one lady when if she wasexpecting baby and of course I made mistake as she already had baby. I felt very bed about it. On the other hand when I was pregnant people did not know if I am jut fat or pregnant:)
Oh wow Martina, you must have had a hard time you poor thing. I think body image for any woman, whether a mother or not, is a big deal at times. I know people make mistakes and I don’t fault my friend for saying this, she is a lovely lady, but honestly it did hit a sore spot at the time. I’ve said it once to someone too.
Great Post Robyn!! Thank you for writing it !
I’m still always so shocked when I hear that people still ask if people are expecting, even if they have been burned before. I was asked last week by a coworker, and it wasn’t her first time saying it, even though the last time I said to her that “no I wasn’t pregnant, I just carry my weight in my belly”, but she continued to ask me again?? I was visually humiliated both times, yet she didn’t catch on?
I also work at a gym, and that is a lot of people’s inspiration for joining and coming “someone asked me if I was pregnant” I never know what to say, besides – why would someone do that?
Anyways, you always have been and always will be beautiful!! <3
Oh you are kidding Jess, you must be so thick skinned to have this lady say this to you not once but twice. How did she respond to you the second time? Was she embarrassed at all? Gosh crazy. And I think you too are very beautiful inside and out, but don’t worry, one day she might ask you will say YES I am, and you will be
Robyn, thank you for your bravery in posting this, and I’m looking forward to reading part two. I’ve thought about tackling body image issues on my blog, but have never had the courage. Much love to you! I think you should come visit me in KC for awhile and we can be diet-&-gym buddies and lose a few kg together.
Yep, I needed to be very brave for this one. I wrote it weeks ago, but wasn’t convinced I would post it, but now I am glad I did, thank you for appreciating. You are right to be cautious, body image is such a critical topic and hard to talk about without setting some people off. It is a very personal thing too, for sure. Oh and you know I would love to come to KC and work out with you, I know we’d have a blast. Just tell me when the wedding is
Oh Robyn, what a wonderful heart felt post! I struggled with my post baby bod as well. Took almost 10 months for me to lose the weight and I still have a 3 month pregnant belly! Thanks for putting your story out there. We need more realistic stories like this!
And you are beautiful and an amazing mother! M is lucky to have a mom like you! Xoxo
Lauren it is so nice to hear from you on this post, because I look to you as inspiration on what kind of mother I’d like to be, but it is reassuring to know that I am not alone. You are right about the realism too. I do think having a child really forces you to harness that inner beauty as you really want to show your child that inside is just as if not more important than outside. I’d love to share a cup of tea with you and watch our babies play together xxx
Wow, thanks! You are inspiring too! I didn’t know you had a struggle with breastfeeding, I’m glad you did what was best for you and manus! Breastfeeding is stressful enough normally, but with the issues you had, you are amazing!!! Manus is a gorgeous healthy little boy, thanks to his gorgeous, healthy mommy! Formula or breast, he is perfect!
P.S. They gave A formula in the hospital because I was so drugged up after my csection. I was upset too, but I knew it was what she needed. I was lucky I even got milk because she didn’t even see my breast for 2 days! When we got home we started breastmilk only, but before that, for 7 days, she had both,
thank you for your honesty. i am going through a rather sickly time and although different from your situation, i can relate to not being able to shop or put time into food like i was before. BTW, i don’t think you had a pot belly before, i think our society expects all women to be underweight and you were quite normal before!
Thank you bitt, you are right about societies’ expectations. Honesty is the best policy right? This post, although hard to push publish, I really wanted other people who I knew felt the same way to feel ok. I have been wondering how you have been, I hope you are looking after yourself or hubs is and on the mend.
BTW, I too was asked when I was expecting and I haven’t even had a baby. Some people are just rude!
It is part of being a mommy (we’ve all been through it). Your body doesn’t just snap back and it takes more effort than prior to getting pregnant to get your body even close to pre-pregnancy form. Just remind yourself why you have a little extra to love here and there; it’s because you also have a little extra someone to love. It’s all worth it in the end
You liken formula to poison- offensive much?
I struggled for 10 weeks to b/f my twins with a raging infection which left me hospitalised. No wonder women get the guilts with all these negative views.
Hi stayday, thanks for your input and I’m sorry to hear of your story. You will see if you read the whole post that I did say that formula was MY worst nightmare – but of course that is my opinion and plenty of people formula feed their children world over, I am speaking for myself here) and that I was a I was a tired and weary mama at the time of saying it and I quickly took it back and sent him plenty of love instead. I was keeping it real. I may have been offensive, but that is exactly what was going on in my tired and crazed mind at the time. All my expectations of how I thought motherhood was going to fly, went out the window.
Dear Robyn,
I got to know your blog when I was living in Shanghai next door to Vicki. Even so I cannot relate to the 100% raw style I did love a lot of recipes you put online.
I especially love this post since I also gave birth to a beautiful baby-boy end of March this year and can totally understand your struggles. Me, always been on the chubby side, got back to my pre-pregnancy weight quite quickly but my whole body changed. My belly still looks pregnant and all my trousers fit perfectly except for around the wasteline. I always have to wear loose shirts, otherwise I look like the little Michelin manikin. The worst thing happened to me the following day after I have given birth (48-hour struggle that ended in a C-section). I had just struggled myself out of bed in agonizing pain (they forgot to give me pain killers and I didn’t know that I could ask for some) a female Chinese doctor entered the room to examine the suture. Then she laughed at me and said “Ha ha, you don’t even look like you have just given birth. You look like you were still full term.” I was so hurt that I was speechless. I also do have to say that Chinese in general are very inconsiderate and I should be used to it after living in China for almost 5 years. But she just got me at a very vulnerable moment.
I also loved your honesty about the struggles with breast feeding. One would think that it is the most natural thing in the world and that it works just by itself. Thank God I had and still have enough milk for my little man but I do remember that in the beginning he didn’t want to take my right breast, he would only drink from my left. It took weeks to convince him that the right one is as good as the other. But we are facing other problems now. He is such a boob man that he wouldn’t accept anything else to comfort him. When he wakes up at night he needs to suckle to fall back asleep and at the moment he wakes up almost every hour. He is not properly eating solids yet, i.e. his evening cereal, so I suspect he is hungry at night. For me it’s really tiring to go and latch him every hour, even so he is still co-sleeping with us. At the moment I am really at a loss how to get him to sleep longer.
You see, every Mom has her problems, if the one thing works another doesn’t. We have this really serious sleeping problems that drive us to the brink of exhaustion. But still, to repeat the others: It’s all worth it in the end.
Can’t wait to read part II of your story.
Love,
Eva
oh robyn i appreciate you sharing this, as i always wonder what really happens after having a baby. my sister seemed to do alright, but she had a c section so things a little different and she breast feed like crazy. i know everyone person is different, especially for this type of stuff. so i really appreciate your honesty and opening up about this. both lori and i think you are amazing, and look perfect!!! i get a pregnant looking belly and i am not even pregnant, but mine come from gas forming inside. one thing i struggle with, i have for years. it has killed my self confidence, and still does. i hate it, but have come to realize that i will not always have a flat stomach, which makes me nervous for when i have kids.
and girl, if you need help with food let us know, maybe we can help get you some things
we would love to help out. just email us
love you!!!
michelle
Wow! Thank you for sharing your story, Robyn! I can relate so much and have been meaning to write about it for a while now. Body after baby is a tough time and I didn’t really think HOW tough it was going to be. I think I have been at peace with myself but it was more-so what (in my head) I thought others would expect of me. It is very hard, and a reality check after the baby arrives. your time is not your own anymore and all the things that you took for granted (prepping meals, exercising when you want, using the bathroom haha) are not as easy! I can only imagine how tough it was for you not having family there to help!
I think you are beautiful btw!!!!!
You have the most beautiful, stunning smile that I don’t even know how ANYONE is even looking past that!
Every human body is different and unique and, just as some Mums struggle with their post-baby bodies, some don’t. I have had 3 kids now and my body is almost the same as it was before I had my first…. if not better. I’m certainly not saying that to gloat – please don’t think that at all. But what I can tell you is that the flipside to what you’re experiencing can actually be just as hurtful. Usually, when people find out that I’ve had children, it’s usually followed by words that I won’t repeat on your blog because they are just plain nasty. Rarely will people say, “you look great!” – it’s usually “you bloody b@#ch”, and sometimes a lot worse. I often discuss this with my husband who gives me the “they’re just jealous” line, but why does that make it okay to be so mean? Whilst I guess I understand it to a certain extent, it is incredibly upsetting. I have plenty of days where I hate my body, too. I have always eaten healthy & exercised, but certainly not in the strictest manner. I enjoy wine, we have takeaway sometimes, and I can go for weeks without going to the gym. I have no idea why my body bounces back, just as some women have no idea why their body doesn’t bounce back. But what I DO know, is that any form of criticism or judgement can be highly damaging and we should all just start accepting each other for who we are, not what we look like.
You are absolutely gorgeous. And I bet the little man and the big man in your life agree wholeheartedly.
x x
Maybe it’s my crazy preggy hormones, but I feel like crying after reading that! You are so gorgeous Robbie. I can relate to absolutely everything you’ve said there. I’m going to go read ‘embrace your puffy face’ now, and hope that it helps me to do just that! Thanks so much for sharing, hope to see you if you’re here at xmas. Lots of love XXX
Thank you for writing this great post. It is now almost 3 weeks since having the baby and it it is hitting me about my weight. All I waant to do is get to the gym but I know that this a time to nourish thenbaby and keep my self healthy and the milk producing. Thanks. For being transparent because many women go through what you posted. I wish people had more discretion but believe me coming from the Hispnic culture it is even worse when women ask about your weight and body. I am choosing not to concentrate on it now until the right time. Thanks again for your post!
Darling, I’m so proud of you for opening up about all of this and showing so many women and mothers out there that being an amazing mother is about loving your child to the extent that you’ll do what’s best for them, no matter what your plans might have been beforehand. You’re helping possibly the most gorgeous baby I’ve ever, ever had the privilege to hold grow into a magnificent man, and your kindness to him and to yourself is inspiring. Love love.
Hey Robby
I’m here to offer my support. I always think you look beautiful. And it’s so natural, your beauty.
Years ago I said that to someone and they weren’t having a baby. I was only 16 teen and I was as mortified as the lady I had said it to when I realized it was a mistake. Her face went bright red and she looked like she was going to cry. Time stood still for me in that moment as I waited begging the earth to swallow me up.. but of course it didn’t. I just stood there helplessly frozen to the spot. After that happened I swore to myself unless I see the baby crowning I would hold my tongue until the day I leave this earth. I’ve never gotten over it.
I want to put it out there my tummy often looks like I’m 4 months along… and as you know I’m not pregnant nor have had any children. It’s a stomach problem I’ve been dealing with for quite some time, 3 out of 4 weeks in a month I’m severely bloated. And to top it off I have a short stomach and massive boobs, as you know. So having a fat gut doesn’t help my cause. So I’m feeling your pain. I truly believe in my heart in a year you will be running around with your banging body again, healthy and glowing like you do. And by then, hopefully I’ll have a fat gut for other reasons.
Love u x
Thanks so much for sharing this, Robyn! I will be looking to you if I ever get pregnant, and this really is eye-opening as to what you went through all alone. I wish you would have felt like sharing while it was happening, although not sure what I could have done to help! We are in a difficult situation being alone in another country without family and the normal support resources (people, food, herbs and vitamins, etc.), and that makes times of crisis seem so much more difficult to get through…
I look forward to reading the next installment, should you decide to publish it!